Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
