When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm passing your future prison.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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