Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
