Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
