you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I will pee on everything he values.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
