My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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