I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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