the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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