her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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