Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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