I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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