OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
