glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
