If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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