You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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