Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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