you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
