Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
