i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My penis needs a shock collar
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
