Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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