Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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