im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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