You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
