Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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