lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
