well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
