Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
