My friends, they love my intelligence
just come out here and I will go home with you...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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