May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
