I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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