the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sobbing to NWA
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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