I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
