guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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