It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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