I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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