Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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