is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
