my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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