So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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