Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We left the knife in your bed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
