so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
