The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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