You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
