you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize