I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
