haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
