im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
