i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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