I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize