I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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