I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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