I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
