so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
