he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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