Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
