I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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