Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Randomize