Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The air was thick with penises
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
