i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
