mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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