I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
