Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize