1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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